if you need a life, or think others do

Category: Let's talk

Post 1 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 04-Feb-2005 14:10:11

I've been in contact with certain manufacturers in China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan and they've worked out a technology one can use to have a life if they don't have one. It seems the current model of human being is born without a life, so we're providing this invaluable service here at the Quirkofonix Corporation. These lives have a 30-day warranty for parts and labor. The great thing is, they only run on a simple button battery that is included with the unit. Caution: there have been reports from the product testing department that workmanship and quality control may not be consistent. We firmly deny all this. Really, if you were going to buy a life made by, let's say, Sony or Panasonic, you'd pay at least $49.99. And if Microsoft sold lives, expect to pay over a hundred US dollars plus the cost of upgrades when new versions or patches are released. But you can get a life for the low price of $19.99. If you think others need lives, why not buy a case of a thousand for only $17.99 per unit. What a savings! So write me and get your life today! Disclaimer, we are not responsible for the quality of the life once you receive it. Don't even try and sue us because our lawyers will ignore you.

Post 2 by lawlord (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Friday, 04-Feb-2005 14:13:41

Terms and conditions apply; offer for a limited time only; money-back guarantee at participating outlets onlyy; your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments of other loans secured on it; calls may be recorded or monitored; players must be sixteen or over; always read the label.

Post 3 by Godzilla-On-Toast (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Friday, 04-Feb-2005 14:25:01

Things may appear closer than they actually are. Keep arms and hands inside the life at all times. Please read our privacy statement before continuing to agree to the license agreement. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Calls may be monitored for training purposes. Sit down, shut up, and do as you're told. Mandatory sports broadcasts begin in five minutes!

Post 4 by Susanne (move over school!) on Friday, 04-Feb-2005 16:03:05

Product is not intended for dryin cats or other small animals. Wash separately only and tuble dry low. Be aware that resale value might be severely diminshed even after short ownership.

Post 5 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 10:22:58

We do stress that the product is only suitable for older children, and/or teenagers, and even then supervision is advisable to begin with.

Post 6 by Jess227 on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 12:16:48

Product might not get up by itself if accidentally bumped off its feet. Life might struggle getting up.

Post 7 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 12:48:59

Member FDIC? Oh no that's banks! Lol just joking. Restrictions may apply, see store for details. Lol! There we go! Hahahah thsi is quite funny...

Post 8 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 12:59:17

And too bad I'm too young to try this out, htough I consider myself to have a life! Lol.

Post 9 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 15:00:45

Life may require a great deal of patience struggle and hard work to reach its full potential.So consider your purchase carefully and ask yourself,can I commit myself to its care on a long term basis.

Post 10 by alison (my ISP would be out of business if it wasn't for this haven I live at) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 16:41:54

you mustn't neglect your life, it may rebele. We will try to fix this bug.

Post 11 by Caitlin (I've now got the silver prolific poster award! wahoo!) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 17:17:07

Lol Aison tru true!

Post 12 by louiano (I'm going for the prolific poster awards!) on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 18:36:12

computers may ban you from the internet if you use your life incorrectly; a virus may enter although we are working on a firewall that blocks outgoing massive posting and outgoing pm's. Check with your local dealer for further information

Post 13 by Jess227 on Saturday, 05-Feb-2005 19:27:38

Life will electricute you if you touch it with wet hands! Zap! Zap! We are not liabal for any electric shocks, nor injuries that you bring to the Life. Don't put the Life in water as electrical current will kill any humans in the vacinity.

Post 14 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 07-Feb-2005 14:41:59

Life will eventually reach its expiry date don't worry when this happens, we will honour our pledge and replace the extinct life with a clone,so you can enjoy many more happy/stressful years with your replica safe in the knowledge that there are others should this 1 develop a fault.

Post 15 by Jess227 on Monday, 07-Feb-2005 15:46:42

Clone sold seperately

Post 16 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 09-Feb-2005 9:51:35

this clone will be a highly developed version of yourself so you will in the end be surplus to requirements,as the clone will take care of all aspects your life..do not worry we will keep an eye on its every move and you will be cleared of any impending charges debts credit card fraud ect it may incur ect....